Seeing my son’s name written boldly in a black sharpie makes me overcome with emotion. Today is the first day our son starts his newest adventure. Nursery! AHHHHH!
I didn’t honestly realise how fast this day would be upon us. He was only just born! Where did the time go? Ah! I remember. The laughter, the love, the tears (mostly me!) and here we are. Our son taking that big step into the scary unknown. Wait. Is this such a good idea? Of course it is! I have to trust that he will be ok and not wrap him up in candy floss (much safe than cotton wool 😉 ) for the rest of his life. I know we would have done the whole nursery thing sooner but with the move to Scotland it set things back a bit. And now we are here. Eek! When was everything fast forwarded? I don’t remember pressing skip. But alas that’s the thing isn’t it. When you have children time is a precious, shiny, sparkly thing you want to keep under lock and key. To slowly unleash at your will but secretly wanting to freeze those special moments forever.
Our son has been attending nursery for 30 mins up to an hour for one day for the past few weeks to ease him into it. It has worked beautifully. So much so that he hates leaving. He really does. Something I will remind him of when he’s older and he’s pulling the old “My stomach hurts, no school today Mum please.” As from tomorrow he will be in full-time and I am excited and scared for him. Excited because he is really enjoying himself and the nursery is fabulous. They are mostly based outdoors which is perfect for him as he loves nature. Scared because it’s my little baby boy going out into the world everyday without his mother or father. I have to place my trust in the people looking after him and tell myself he will be ok. He will be ok! On constant repeat until I hold him in my arms again.
I have come to discover that this is a very normal thing to feel. As parents we naturally want only the best for our children. Nothing less or by half. Only the absolute best will do. We created them, gave them life and brought them into this crazy world. We are their protectors and would kill for them like a lioness defending their cubs. I feel like I will always feel like this. Even when my boys are married and have children of their own. I will be secretly worrying about them. Have they eaten? Are they safe? An endless list of stress. But I have to force myself to take a step back, have a cup of tea (maybe a doughnut too) and calm. I have to believe that it will all be ok otherwise I will drive myself insane with stress. For now I need to focus on the positive. That our son is going to nursery and really enjoying it. He is safe and well looked after. It’s hard not to think the worst when you see all these awful stories on the news but at the end of the long agonising day, you just have to go with your gut. If it doesn’t feel right, then listen to it. On this instance, my gut tells me he is in good hands and safe.
Phew. I need a drink. A cider perhaps. All this worrying and stress is doing me no good. But hey, I am a mother and it’s kinda what we do. My boy is starting out on a new adventure and I couldn’t be more proud of him. Before I know it my 5 month year old will be doing the very same thing. Seriously where does the time go! Just slow down!
As I wave him off today I will shed an invisible tear that my little baby boy is growing up. He will always be my baby but I am loving watching him grow, becoming the strong, confident individual he is today. We still have time for our silly games chasing each other round the house and snuggling with a movie. Don’t ever stop being you my gorgeous boy and please, please always keep your wicked sense of humour! ROAR! (yay! I did it!)
Hop hop wiggle wiggle