Don’t worry dear readers this is not a 50 shades of grey moment. I merely wish to speak out as married woman with a child (and another on the way) about how the public paint marriage and family life these days. Not a pretty picture. Apparently.
I have lost count of the amount of articles/websites/blogs that I have read that complain about the lack of sex/romance in their marriage once a child has made an appearance. It’s a sickening stereotype that forms in people’s minds, that children cause a rift and make things difficult with your spouse. Of course there will be disagreements between partners on your different opinions of raising your child but that’s normal. God forbid we should all think differently as humans and actually have our own views on things. It’s ridiculous reading claims on the internet that every marriage suffers with a child. I actually laugh out loud. Yeah, it CAN be a nightmare raising a child but it’s not 24/7 hell. Sometimes it can feel like it, but it REALLY IS NOT. It’s life. I am of course not ingorant to the fact that SOME people feel like children ruin a marriage or they feel like it’s made them love their partner less. But then that’s down to them as a person and their own relationship’s integrity, NOT the child. Obviously there is an underlying problem that needs to be sorted. I believe from my own personal experience that it all comes down to you as a person. How you see the world, what makes YOU happy.
There are also claims that marriage ruins a relationship. You will become tied down and labelled as a boring married couple. Add children into this sticky mix and they will apparently taint the love you have for each other, making you have a sexless marriage and killing all chances of romance. You know what I say to all those claims and ‘surveys’ bollocks! Pardon my french but really? Are people these days that close-minded that they push you into a little box once you have settled down and committed to someone for the rest of your life that they just assume it’s game over with love? Seriously world?
I hate that my life is stereotyped because I have a ring on my finger and a child on my arm (and another in the oven). It’s really not all about playdates, talking about poop and a loveless marriage. Far from it. There are times where it is difficult I admit. I want to pull my hair out and run down the street screaming like a crazy person, much like my 18-year-old self on a boozy night out. I am only human after all. But that is the reality of life. Not everyday is a Disney fairytale. I love my husband, there are times where I want to kill him but that’s normal isn’t it? Everyday I am happy to be with him, to be his wife and mother of our child. We are still very much like when first met. Completely and utterly in love. Our sex life hasn’t changed, we still laugh and send flirty messages to each other. Nothing has really changed between us apart from we now have a beautiful son and the included extra responsibility, something we proudly take on with gusto. The spark is and will always be there because that is how we are together as a couple. It has never faded or dulled. We know where we want to be and that’s with each other. That is just how we work and comes very naturally to us. How the public views us is very different. No sex, no love, hating life and wanting to pack a suitcase and run away. We are supposed to become mindless zombies talking about the basics of life like, did you pay the gas bill? Or what would you like for dinner? Yeah, those questions are asked but that’s part of life isn’t it? Does it make us boring and mindless. No. It makes us human. We do have our own lives and interests still, even though shock horror, we are married with children and we DO NOT rely on regular/constant outside ‘help’ e.g. babysitters/nannies etc. We look after our child between us. I mean come on this is the 21st century. Why do people assume that it all ends once you have settled down? Why is that portrayed as a bad thing? I am in no way kidding myself that I am 18 anymore. Oh god no. I love my life the way it is and can look back fondly at my younger self and go “Yeah, I did have fun back then.” That doesn’t mean that where I am now, I’m not. You learn and grow as people. Your lifestyle changes and you adapt to it. Why is it always assumed that if you are not out getting pissed that you are miserable and have no life? Why? That when you get married and have children you no longer have sex or have lost the romance? I honestly feel sorry for people who think like that and assume that every married couple has these problems.
The thing with relationships is that they are between two people. No one knows what goes on apart from those two people. It’s personal and all about the two of you, your opinions, your views, how you want to live your life together. No two relationships are the same, all are different and unique. Some couples don’t want to get married. That’s fine. Some don’t want children. That’s also fine. It’s their lives, let them live it how they want to. Just because some people think it’s not normal doesn’t mean its wrong. It’s all a matter of opinion which is when it because a pain in the arse. Why? Because no matter what you do someone will always, always have something negative to say about it. We are humans it’s what we do. Point out the flaws in life. We love a good moan. Best thing to do in this instance. Not care. Really. Respect they feel that way but never, ever feel bad or guilty about your personal life choices. Live your life your way. Don’t ask for permission, just live it.
Forever & Always
And breathe! Wow that sounded like an angry rant. Not intended. Just getting my little voice out their from my personal experience of married family life. I may not agree with other people opinions on this topic but I do respect that they are their opinions. Please respect mine and never feel pressured to think a certain way because everyone else is. Be your own person with your own mind.
I hope you all have a beautiful weekend soaking up this sun! Tea, garden, bunnies and blowing bubbles with the boy time now! Children really go crazy for bubbles!
Hop hop wiggle wiggle