I have always hated this phrase but recently all I have wanted to do is scream it until I am as blue in the face as my adorable cuddly friend Stitch or in this instance my husband’s mohican.
The Husband and I have been away these past few weeks house-sitting because of recent events. The whole experience has been confusing for us. There are good days and then there are those days where you just want to hide safely in your burrow wishing everything and everyone would just disappear. Those days suck as I can’t be bothered to bathe and smell and I eat too much food because I am fat and and and and…*Take deep breath and calm*
I keep finding myself feeling guilty if we are having a family day out and enjoying ourselves. It’s been so hard to smile these past weeks or even laugh. My whole sense of fun and happiness has been sucked out of me by a henry hoover. Because of what has happened there is a massive black hole in our hearts that will never fully heal. We have been so wrapped up sorting everything out that when we finally sit down and take a minute to ourselves we suddenly remember which leaves us feeling sad and depressed. It truly is horrible and I have a feeling that this could last for a while…
But anyway as I was ranting, we are up in the middle of nowhere house-sitting, where the latest news in the village is the tiny new pool table at the local pub. Ever seen Hot Fuzz? Imagine that village but even weirder, that is what we have been dealing with the past few weeks. So it comes as no surprise when we are out and about that we get the few odd looks. Now, I never ever pay attention when I am out and about. I don’t look at other people for too long as I get paranoid, so I just go about my business in my own little world and hop off back to the burrow with my Panda and Cabbit. But the other day we were at the Scan and Shop tills in Tescos (I was surprised they actually had a Tescos) when I suddenly found myself looking around out of boredom. It was then that I noticed people looking and turning their heads at my husband’s electric blue mohican. My husband is used to this and just ignores it, but in the four years that we have been together, I have never noticed this behaviour in strangers as much until now. I know people look at it as they consider it ‘not normal’ but up here it felt like everyone was taking a look. I don’t understand it, why do people feel the need to look and judge somebody else’s hairstyle? Big deal if it is different and ‘out there’. I love it and I love him for being his self, I really want to teach my son to do the same when he is older. To be proud of who he is and not afraid to show it. Why live a life in fear of what others will think? To me, that’s not living. That’s a prison sentence.
With what has happened it has made me realise that life is short. Way too short. I want to live life the way I want to and not by society’s guidelines of the norm. It’s boring and dull if you ask me. What I mean is, if I want purple hair, piercings and tattoos I will have them. If I want to let my son watch anime or listen to A Perfect Circle, then I will. That’s what I miss about my husband’s father. He didn’t care what people thought of him, he got on with life and lived it his way. He would make sure his children had decent quality food in their tummies and treated his family when he could. He always put others before himself and was always there for us when we needed advice. We would bother him with silly questions about our parenting and worry that we weren’t doing it right. He would always, always reassure us that we were doing great, that we are the only ones who can know how to parent our child, and to quote him directly, “Emma’s a fucking good mother.” He had so much faith in us and was one of our biggest supporters. He has inspired me to live my life to the full and to not be ashamed of whom I am. I really truly do miss him and know I have to accept that he is gone, but I will never ever forget him. That is impossible. I will tell our son about his grandfather and how much of an amazing man he was and how much he loved him. It’s sad to think that he will not remember meeting him but I can hope that somewhere in his subconscious he will know.
It really shows how people in small towns don’t see much of life if a blue mohican makes them pee their pants. I hate to stereotype but it’s been everywhere we have gone up here. Even one girl said “Mummy, that man has blue hair!” and repeatedly pointed, insisting her mother looked to confirm that such an irregular thing was occurring in their presence. I just wish people would be more open minded and stop with the prying eyes at the sight of something different.
Oh I could rant all day about this but I won’t. I am just in a very dark place at the moment and am slowly getting out of it with the help of my loved ones. As a great man used to say, “Calm, always calm like the little Furry-cat”
I am off to enjoy a nice cup of tea and watch some more episodes of Once Upon A Time with the husband. IT’S SO GOOD! Why haven’t I discovered this sooner!
Hop hop wiggle wiggle.