The past week has been life-changing. I can finally say that I am a mother to a beautiful healthy baby boy, Robert Alasdair Mackay III. He was born on the 15th January 2014 at 18:42 at Kingston hospital, two days before his due date. I dread to think what would have happened if I had not listened to my instincts (And had my husband who very ungraciously gave me a kick me up the bum to get me off my laurels) and gone to the hospital when I sensed something was wrong. Things may have turned out very different indeed.
It started late at night on the 14th Jan, I noticed that baby wasn’t as active as he normally was. I had been told by countless people that this is normal leading up to the due date but something inside me made me think different. By twelve o’clock in the afternoon on the 15th, his movements had nearly all but disappeared and I was terrified that something was seriously wrong. My husband (God love him) dragged me to the hospital where baby’s heartbeat was monitored. Every half hour there were low dips were baby’s heartbeat went below 100 bpm. My emotions were all over the place, I felt sick and completely helpless. The Midwife decided to induce me, which is not a pleasant feeling having a hook stuck up you. But I gritted my teeth as my baby’s life was far more important. My contractions came on strong and fast, my pain relief of choice was gas and air which served me well as I got to 8cm dilated within about half an hour! My whole body was shaking like crazy and I kept throwing up, even on the Midwife at one point. I felt so bad that I apologised and she said she was used to it, poor woman. I couldn’t believe how fast the whole process was going, the next thing I knew I was being prepped for theatre for an emergency C-section as baby wasn’t coping with labour. The Midwife took my nail polish off which strangely hurt more than my contractions. I felt like a mess, I couldn’t control my body and all these strange faces where around me telling me about having the emergency C-section, they were talking so fast that I didn’t understand or take anything in. All I knew was that I would do anything to get my baby out safely.
Before I knew it I was on my side and being rushed into theatre. I have never had an operation in my life so seeing all the equipment and that cold unwelcoming table scared the shit out of me. They gave me an epidural and put a screen up so I couldn’t see what they were doing, not that any person in their right mind would want to. I just kept griping Robs hand and looking at him as he sat by my side through the whole thing. I wanted to cry but was exhausted from the contractions. I couldn’t believe what was happening around me. It all felt so unreal. The epidural kicked in and it felt strange being numb from the waist down, my legs felt so heavy and all I wanted to do was move my foot but I couldn’t. After what felt like a century they finally told us that baby was out and I saw them take him over to a table to do checks on him. Rob went over to cut the cord and I couldn’t have been more proud. When they brought him over to me I couldn’t believe how lucky I was to be a mum to a gorgeous boy. They put him down next to me for a bit before taking him and Rob outside while they put me back together. I had never felt more alone than at that point, all I wanted was to be with my husband and son. As they stitched me up I had two doctors above my head discuss how much they liked Lost. I started to wonder if I was dreaming, if this was really happening. It had all happened so fast, I was overwhelmed and in complete shock, everything, once started had happened within what seemed like five minutes of real-time according to my husband. When the doctors had finished their good work they wheeled me into the recovery ward where I was reunited with my husband and son. We were there for hours and then finally moved to our own room where we were kept for 2 days until they felt I was ok to go home.
Those two days were hell! I had needles stuck in me, troubling getting in and out of bed, bleeding all the time, constant pain, the lot. All I wanted was to go home with my family. They told us that it would take 6 weeks for me to recover from the C-section and I was to do no lifting or bending of any kind. Just when I thought my whole pregnancy phase was finally over, here I was being told that I now had to take it easy for 6 weeks and was even more helpless than before!
I felt cheated out of a natural birth but was glad that my baby was delivered safely and was now in my arms. I am still not 100% and have to take one day at a time. My husband has taken two weeks to stay home and look after me and baby, with the promise that if he is needed to be here longer, he will be. I am over the moon to be a mum and seeing my son’s little face everyday reminds me that all this pain is worth it to have him in this world.