I know it’s not quite the correct lyrics to Nelly Furtado’s ‘I’m like a bird’ but I can’t get my own version out of my head. For the past week or so I have had a big rush of the famously talked about nesting instinct. Before then I didn’t feel like I was preparing enough for the arrival of Cabbit. I was excited, and got a little gooey over cute stuffed animals but I have always been like that. I have never looked at a baby bath and gone in a high-pitched squeal “That’s what my baby will bath in, and he can have rubber ducks, a fluffy towel, yada-yada” I felt like I didn’t have that maternal instinct and worried I would never get that nesting feeling. I looked at other parents with their children and always used to think “My god what spoilt little brats” They would be screaming till they were red in the face, stamping their feet because they wanted the new transformer toy and hitting their parents because they were being dragged out of the shop empty-handed. Whenever I saw scenes like this I feared for what my little one would be like and realised that it wasn’t going to be a steady course on the ship of parenthood. I would worry that I might become distant with my baby when he is born as these things do happen to new mothers, they suffer post-natal depression. I didn’t want that but worried that my lack of nesting and maternal instincts would lead to it. I don’t know how to be around children as I have never spent any pre-longed time with them, if someone hands me a baby it automatically starts crying like I am the Wicked Witch of the West. This is where I had to slap myself out of my frenzy and told myself to stop being negative. I realised I was a bit of a Miranda from Sex and the City, I love my baby but I don’t have to love others. I shouldn’t worry that he would be like the snot-nosed children running loose on the streets; he will be himself and not them.
I feel like that maternal instinct is really kicking in now. The past few weeks I have found myself awing at cute little outfits and imagining Cabbit in a little bouncer bobbing away with a big grin on his face. I have wanted to build him a nest out of fluffy toys, adorable outfits and all things cute. I just want to nest, to have everything he needs in a safe loving environment. I really can’t wait to meet him, I know there may be moments where he won’t stop crying and I will just want one minute of peace but I won’t want to change it for the world.
I really must stop worrying about silly things like this but my midwife has told me it’s all natural to be a little scared. After all, I’m bringing another little life into the world and for a good few years of his life he will relay on Rob and I for all his needs. No pressure!