(This week I am in Devon, my hometown, for the week. So I apologize if posts are late or little. I will do my best, fellow followers. )
We spend most of our lives trying to figure out who we really are as a person. Some people live their whole lives never really knowing who they are, denying their true identity by putting on a mask and acting out a false life. Sounds exhausting to me. Why would people choose to not be true to themselves? You are who are, you were born you and you will die you. Why pretend otherwise?
Since I have become pregnant I have been told a great many things. One of which is that as soon as you have kids, your whole life is spent dedicated to them. There is no longer time for just you as you will spend your days changing nappies, being woken up in the dead of night to screeching cries and wanting to bang your head against the wall so you won’t have to listen to the same cartoon theme tune being played over and over again. I have been warned with raised eyebrows that I will lose a part of myself and that even the thought of being selfish for a second is a sin.
I understand this logic and of course will put my children first before anything; I feel extremely privileged to be able to have children as sadly many women in this world spend thousands of pounds to have something that every woman is rightly entitled to. But I do not want to lose myself. By gaining the title of ‘mother’, I do not see how or why I should lose the title ‘me’. I embrace the idea of becoming a mum, I am excited to meet my child but I will still be me. I will still listen to bad music, eat too much and feel guilty after, and play video games to let off some steam when the world gets too much to cope with. I will not become someone I’m not because I have had a child. I will of course change in ways as I have a little life in my hands but I refuse to lose who I am.
Since being pregnant I still take care of myself spending hours in the bathroom with Rob banging on the door, I will not ‘let myself go’ because that’s not who I am. I like to feel good about myself even if it doesn’t look like I’ve made the effort. If I am applying make-up and my baby starts crying I will of course abandon ship and tend to my little one but once they are settled and happy I will continue to finish applying. If I lose who I am as a person then how can I set a good example for my child? I can hear people saying in their heads, “But some things are more important than make-up and clothes.” And I agree. I don’t think they are important; I just do it because it makes me feel better about myself. What’s wrong with wanting to feel good about yourself and if you enjoy it and don’t do it to the extreme, it’s harmless.
Ok, enough ranting before I make your ears fall off.
My point is that by becoming a mother, you shouldn’t have to be made to feel guilty about still being who you are. Being a mother will become a part of you. You shouldn’t have to stop being who you are. My children will come first at all times; I owe it to them to be their mother and not a stranger.
Oh dear, I’m getting cravings again. Scones, with a butt-load of clotted cream and jam! Mmmmm heaven!