The last few weeks have been…well…the worst. A black angry storm cloud has been following us around for what feels like forever. Emotions are all over the place much like our appetites. I hate death, I really do. Death can go and do one for all I care.
To lose a family member is like having one of your organs ripped out. To suddenly not be able to see someone who has always been there is the strangest feeling. To never hear their voice or have those little conversations and laugh when they quite rightly put your husband in his place. It’s hell.
The worst part is; not knowing what to say or do. You feel utterly helpless and feel like love and cuddles are not enough for anyone. You no longer know what to do anymore and find yourself staring at the walls in tears, asking yourself repeatedly ‘Why did this have to happen?’
We have lost someone who was such a big part of our family, who was so much more than my husband’s father. There were so many plans like us moving to live with him; we were all so excited, so happy. Now being in this house makes us feel nothing but sadness for he should be here with us taking the piss and playing with his grandson. It’s so quiet and empty, it’s lost its charm.
The one day at a time thing seems to help, but only a little. I really, really wish this wasn’t happening; I want to shout and scream that this is not fair. It’s not good enough and I don’t think it ever will be. And if anyone ever dares say to me or my family that ‘Everything happens for a reason’ they can go do one like death! It’s not good enough you hear me!
I do apologise for the recent lack of posts dear readers, thank you for your understanding and support while my family are dealing with this difficult time. I am slowly getting back into my writing; it helps but I feel a lack of motivation seeping in with the grief. Everything is all over the shop and there is so much to do. I need a cup of tea…make that a bottle of wine!
No Hops or Wiggles are enough right now :-(