Saying Goodbye To Those We Love

When someone you love leaves this world, it is hard to say goodbye. Your mind is flooded with memories of the good times and the bad. Your senses are filled with the scent of their cooking or favourite perfume. You hear their voice everywhere you go and smile at things that you know would have amused them. The world in which you live in becomes a little greyer and you start to wonder if you will ever feel normal again.

1372554655446087

There is no right or wrong way to grieve the passing of a life. Don’t let anyone ever tell you that you are supposed to do this or that because they are wrong. Everyone deals with it in their own way and that is how it must be. To deny this grief will only delay it and drag the pain and hurt on for longer than is healthy. Everyone has their own ideas of how to cope; all you can do is listen to yourself and do what feels right.

It takes a long, long time to accept that this is the way of the world. One day you are going about your everyday life and then the next it is shattered into a thousand pieces and scattered on the floor, you try to pick up the broken pieces in a hurry but cut yourself and make it worse. You should have got a dust pan and brush and approached with caution.

What’s that saying again? Life is cruel? It is; it really is. But what I try to focus on is the beauty that this world has to offer and to celebrate the life that the person who has passed lived. I was sitting in the garden today with my son who was playing in his paddling pool and it struck me how wonderful life can be. That there are so many moments we take for granted, the birds singing happily in the trees, the flowers dancing in the wind and the sky painted a beautiful blue for all to look upon and get lost in its beauty.

It’s that nasty vicious circle of life, there’s nothing to stop the bony hands of fate. It all comes for us at some point or other whether we are ready for it or not. But until then it is time to live my life and make memories that will be passed down for hundreds of years by my family and friends. We are immortal, we humans with our photos, videos and memories. We are never ever truly gone and when we do pass, it’s just another adventure to look forward to.

I shall leave you with this song because its just beautiful and this scene always makes me cry. I warn you now it will make you cry! <3 <3 <3

Hop hop wiggle wiggle

13 Hours In A&E

For some unknown bizarre reason, cups of tea in hospital taste like the most amazing thing in the world. Maybe it is because you are out of your comfort zone surrounded by strangers and something so normal like a cup of tea makes you feel at home. There’s just something about it. The first time I experienced this was after I had given birth to our son. The second was the other day. A mad random night of events.

11146511_10154004594139202_4458770230874168577_n

For the past week I have been feeling a little dizzy and my right leg keeps going wobbly, like I have forgotten how to walk. I put this down to the heat. It was only on Sunday night when I collapsed that me and the hubby were concerned enough to go to A&E. I had to go alone as it wouldn’t be fair on my husband or son to wait on me in the middle of the night. Boy am I glad they went home because what should have been a couple of hours turned into 13 hour-long excruciating nightmare.

A&E was packed, I was lucky to find a seat. Once I was finally seen, the doctor did a number of tests as they wanted to be sure that whatever was happening wasn’t serious. It was a horrific experience as half the time they wouldn’t tell me what was happening; I kept asking and asking but all I got was “We have to do some tests” Yes, I know that but what sort? AGHHH it was scary as I was being wheeled off all around the hospital and taken to the wrong ward. Once they had done enough tests to their satisfaction, they finally took me to the correct ward and wired me up to a heart monitor to check my heart.

I felt like I was lying in that bed forever, hearing other patient’s problems and the never ending beeps from the machine. I felt so alone. All I wanted was my husband and son by my side but knew they were better off at home. My blood pressure was taken every few hours and I had a drip digging into my arm. I seriously hate these things with a passion! They hurt like hell whenever you move your hand and make me feel sick. Once the doctors had collected enough data they ran through the results with me, everything clear. They discovered that the problem was an inner ear infection that can play with your balance, making you feel like you are on a ship is the best explanation I can give. They gave me some tablets monitored me for a few more hours before deciding that I could go home. I couldn’t be happier. I was terrified that something could be seriously wrong, but nope just my stupid ears. Saying that, I am glad I went in because collapsing on the floor is not a normal thing is it.

So for the past few days I have been dosed up on my meds and trying to feel normal. It’s getting there, if I still feel like this in a week I am to go to my GP.Oh the joy!

Oh I feel like a drama queen but I am just so grateful that nothing is seriously wrong. Thinking something is wrong is the worst part because you can’t get it out of your head; you just keep wondering and worrying. I am my own worst enemy at times. I need to breathe and calm. Be calm like the little furry cat.

On another note I found this the other day and I just LOVE IT!!! <3 <3 <3 <3

Hop hop wiggle wiggle

Just an ordinary Sunday

Hello dear readers, I hope you are all doing ok and are feeling fabulous in your bikinis/swimwear while drinking cocktails by the pool and soaking up this beautiful weather. When I say cocktail I of course mean cup of tea and when I say pool, I mean your children’s paddling pool while trying to not drown in your own sweat because it is so unbelievably HOT! But we can dream right?

Its-too-hot-today-300x300

Today had an interesting start. If you have a weak stomach, I suggest you read ahead as this next little bit won’t be pleasant. Our darling little son decided that his pooh wanted to be explosive which resulted in all of his sheets, blanket and toys being washed. He of course was smiling happy as can be as we dunked him in the bath because it really was one of those poohs that was just everywhere. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. But no harm done, everything is clean and sterilised again. It all comes with being a parent and is something we both take to quite naturally. At least I like to think so; we still act like sissy girls with all the grossness and go EWWWW! We are only human after all. Then there was my husband’s foot. He has been hopping everywhere. My husband’s foot has been playing up which has him using an improvised walking stick until we get an appointment sorted at the GP. I have also been having dizzy spells and unfortunately collapsed several times this week so far. I am thinking it is because of the heat but regardless I am also making an appointment. Oh joy! I hate going to the GP but it’s better to get it sorted than to keep wondering if something is seriously wrong. I hate it when my mind runs away with me, getting me paranoid. What’s the worst that could happen? It could be like when I found out I was pregnant and I was convinced I had a stomach ulcer. Nope, just pregnant. As far as I am aware I am not pregnant but wouldn’t mind if I was. We would love to have more children but feel very blessed with our noisy, loud, screaming, head-banging, crazy Cabbit.

After our hectic morning we needed to go to Tesco to pick up a few bits. Because my husband can’t walk much and I can’t drive, he drove me to Tesco and sat in the car making up new songs and drumming on the steering while I went in with our son. A very interesting experience for me as I don’t normally shop with just me and my son, we shop as a family and are inseparable, in a healthy way. I am very proud of myself because as any parent knows shopping with a little one can be a nightmare. I didn’t think too much about it as I placed Cabbit in the trolley and let him play with my empty raccoon shaped coin purse. I was happy and smiling as I asked him which cake mix we should pick up and had a giggle at the fish on display pulling faces (yes, cruel I know as they are animals but it’s a private joke with the hubby. Don’t get animal rights on me!) I treated him to some toy frogs that were a £1 as he had been so well-behaved and gave me a big grin as he played with them making them hop on the bar of the trolley.

After all was paid and packed we walked hand in hand back to the car. I didn’t realise how confident I had felt until I got back into the car. I have had major anxiety issues since being pregnant and am not ashamed to admit it. My confidence has gone down and I was on anti-depressants for a while. Yet for some reason, today I just didn’t think about it. I just got on and enjoyed myself. I would normally be worried that people were looking at me or talking about me. Just plain paranoid. I also think having my son with me helped me relax a little; I didn’t even care that people were looking at me when we were making dinosaur noises to each other and laughing. I just need to calm down and stop over thinking. Easier said than done I know but if I can just relax I would start to enjoy life again. The past few months have been tough and scary but I think I am slowly starting to get back on track. It will not be an easy journey but I am getting there. Slowly but surely.

Hop hop wiggle wiggle

large

It is hot isn’t it?

It wouldn’t be very British of us if we didn’t mention the weather in daily conversation. We Brits love a good old moan or natter about our ever-changing heat and humidity throughout the year.  We are a nation proud to be tea drinkers and weather ‘experts’. It’s just in our nature.

I don’t know about you, but I am glowing my fluffy bunny tail off over here. I am literally drenched in perspiration! (Horses SWEAT, Men PERSPIRE, and Ladies GLOW) Not a pleasant sight. I don’t help matters by wearing dark colours, I can’t help it. I am not a pastel kind of bunny. Light colours don’t look good on me. I have been living in my summer dress, black of course and drinking water by the bucketful. It is most important that you stay hydrated in this heat and wear a ton of sun-tan lotion to avoid that nasty cooked lobster look. Not classy is it?

Since this pain in the butt heatwave struck, I have been stressing about our son who is 18 months in a few days.  I am constantly making sure he is drinking enough fluids, is covered in sunscreen, basically doing everything I can to help him stay cool which involves nearly every day spent in the garden playing with water and being in the shade.  He seems to be fine and loving it whereas my husband and I hate, hate the heat! We are creatures of the night and love the coldness of winter. I suppose if we were a family in Game Of Thrones we would be the Starks, but hopefully without all the death. I would love a dire wolf!! I’m getting off topic now… Anyway, our son seems to be coping with the weather, us not so much. It’s the worst at night when all you want to do is sleep but just can’t because it’s too damned hot! AGHHHH Bring on the thunderstorms and rain I say. I have actually been listening to rain sounds on YouTube to convince myself that it’s cooler than it is. No success as yet though.

I hope you are all surviving, dear readers, and if you are one of those strange people who enjoy this kind of heat…(why?) The sun I can understand, I love sunny days but the heat, not so much. I am off to attempt some more reading in the garden while melting into a big puddle of sweat. I shall leave you with this lovely little song…HOT IN THE CITY TONIGHT!

Hop hop wiggle wiggle

Duck Jazz

Hello dear readers, I hope you are all well and dandy.

I have recently had some sad news, a relative of mine has passed away. Two family members in 3 months is just heartbreaking.

So me and the family decided to get some fresh air and visit our favourite park. I took some footage and this is what I ended up with, Duck Jazz Ft Cabbit. Enjoy

A very sad hop hop wiggle wiggle today

The Day We Saw A Red Panda : Our Visit To Marwell Zoo

Hello one and all, I hope you are all doing well and are feeling fabulous, because you are.

My family and I had an amazing weekend as we were lucky enough to get to go to Marwell Zoo! We love, love, love Red Pandas and when we discovered that there are about 18 zoos in the UK that have them we went straight on the internet to find our nearest one. As good old Mr. Luck would have it the closest one was Marwell Zoo, which is in Winchester, so as you do we hopped down there double bunny time.

So far in my life I have been to a good few zoos but Marwell Zoo has to be by far the best! Not just because of the Red Pandas but because they have tons of other animals that are just as amazing such as Giraffes, Pygmy Hippopotami, and White Rhinoceros. The beautiful surroundings the animals are enclosed in are pleasing to the eye and you definitely get a lot of exercise walking around. There is a tractor train that goes round the park so if you have tried little ones or disabled people with you they can still enjoy the Zoo without having to worry about getting around.

After paying to get in and picking up a map of the Zoo, we explored where we met penguins, giraffes, capybara, tigers, snow leopards…I could go on. They have a ton of animals as any zoo would but these animals are simply just gorgeous creatures.

10389690_10153941732814202_3563584876658427794_n

My favourite part of the whole day has to be seeing the Red Panda Mei-Mei. She was breath-taking and so, so beautiful. Her red fur was bright in the sunlight and just highlighted how truly magnificent these animals are.  I also loved seeing the pygmy hippo happily splashing about in the water; Cabbit was fascinated by it too and kept saying hello to them.

11401174_10153944578634202_1412152492406911434_n

I could go on and on about how wonderful Marwell Zoo is but why don’t you see for yourself in my Youtube video. I really enjoy filming animals and taking photos. I would love it even more if I could film them in the wild but I think Africa and other countries are a bit too far to go at the moment. (I could be Mary-Ann, my husband could be Nigel and Cabbit could be Donny!!)

11407059_10153944572939202_8005066326827422276_n

Overall I’d say it was a perfect day out with the family. So many memories made and I feel just ecstatic from having seen a Red Panda. It has made me so happy! Not felt this happy in a while with everything that has happened. It does the soul good to get out and be in nature with loved ones. Getting out helps I think, takes our minds of things and reminds us to enjoy life’s little moments.

Hop hop wiggle wiggle.

Should we share everything with everyone?

Lately, I have done a little thinking. Not always a good thing I know. I started to wonder how safe the internet is. Are our privacy settings on social media really private from others? Do we really feel the need to share everything about our lives with strangers and bombard them with how ‘amazing’ our lives are? Is this the new age of living? I think I need to lie down, I am asking to many questions.

tumblr_noiow3XLs71s2bs4bo1_500I realised that the older I get, the less likely I am to care about what I frequently share on Facebook. I don’t need to update my status every five seconds or flood my page with photos of my son and husband. I honestly don’t need to. It’s nice for other family members that live far away and hardly see my son to know how he is getting on but I don’t need to do a daily update of his progress. By all means I am going to continue taking photos and filling hardback copies of photo albums with them, but I won’t be sharing everything on Facebook anymore. I feel that if anyone genuinely cares about what is going on in my life, they will ask or contact me directly. Have we as a generation gotten so lazy that it has become impossible for us to pick up the phone or god forbid arrange to meet up with someone face to face?

So what I have done is deleted a few albums off my Facebook and I now only intend to add the odd photo here or there. Maybe not even that, depends on how I feel. I will share certain bits of my life with the internet like my blog, Youtube and Twitter but I think I will keep personal details to a minimum. I enjoy vlogging and filming so will keep doing so, but I will keep certain things private. I won’t be uploading tons of photos or annoying narrative statuses. I think Facebook will slowly die out like Myspace did. Not sure when and it will be kind of a shame when it does but Facebook is only Facebook at the end of the day. The world will keep on turning and life will continue. Trust me. I did consider just deleting my Facebook all together but will keep it as it is how a lot of people now communicate with each other, that is if anyone actually bothers to communicate with me HA! Oh I could go into a long rant right about now but I won’t. I will breathe and be calm.

I agree it is hard to keep your own life private these days but I know it can be done. I like to call myself a mummy vlogger/blogger so do share certain aspects of my life with the world. I will try to just not go too overboard with it and keep certain things private, mostly photos. I do worry about sharing photos and if they could end up in the wrong hands. It’s creepy and disturbing to think about but it could happen. The world is not as safe a place as we all wish it could be.

I have also decided to not be so glued to my iPhone. When I have been around people of late, they have all had their faces stuck in their phones. I have a habit of sometimes forgetting my phone and so am left there looking like a lemon. But it made me realise that we rely so much on technology these days that we don’t realise we are missing the real thing. I love, love to take photos and film footage and often worry if I am living my life behind a lens. I have to step back sometimes and tell myself that there is no harm in capturing special moments, especially when you have a family. Just don’t let it be all you ever do. Don’t let your hand turn into your phone and be inseparable.

Phewww. That does feel a bit better to have off of my chest. Do I sound crazy? Or do you agree that it is pleasant to sometimes not be so obsessed with social media? By all means use it to promote your work, I do with my writing. Just maybe take a step back when it comes to the real stuff. I suppose at the end of the day it all depends on you as a person. If you are happy to share everything about your life with the world, then great for you. If not, then don’t feel pressured to. Share what you want, not what you think you should.

I am off to make some yummy spaghetti bolognaise with the husband and watch some Game Of Thrones. Have I just contradicted myself there? Probably? Blah!

Hop hop wiggle wiggle