Let’s talk about it.

Published July 17, 2014 by masonlovesdoughnuts

The past few weeks, well months to be honest have been literally the old cliché of a rollercoaster ride. This whole experience of parenthood has been overwhelming; a pick ‘n’ mix of emotions and a whole load of constant paranoia. It is enough to send anyone do-lally. It creeps up on you like an overdue dentist’s appointment (speaking of which, I need to seriously book one) There is no handbook for how to cope; the only thing you can trust is your instincts.

So, what am I getting at? Well, stuff I suppose. Things that I have long needed to get off my chest. Stuff that no-one can really understand unless they have been through it themselves. Since giving birth to my son my state of my mind has been a little, well wonky. I have not yet fully recovered from the whole emergency C-Section. My mind has well and truly been traumatized by the whole thing and I have struggled silently (apart from confiding in my husband) trying to forget about it and move forward. However, in doing so, I have suppressed the emotional and physical trauma I feel and only made things ten times worse. I can’t even touch my scar without freaking out and it saddens me because I should wear it as a badge of honour as my son is alive and well and it is the proof of that. But that’s not the point; it has nothing to do with my wonderful Cabbit. It’s me. My being inability to process what has happened and that I do need to think about it so I can move forward. If only it was that easy.

Since the whole fiasco happened I have not been able to recognize simple things that are normal such as muscle pain. I no longer remember what it feels like to get the odd twinge now and then because my body was pregnant for nine months and is now recovering after a major abdominal surgery. My stomach is completely numb and it sucks. I hate it. It doesn’t feel like me at all, but I am told by my GP that in time I will feel something there. Because I no longer know what is normal and what isn’t, I have gotten extremely paranoid over the smallest twinge or wonder why all of a sudden my foot feels like it needs to pop. It’s crazy but I can’t help but think the worst. I keep getting myself into fits of depression, finding myself on the floor crying. But I have been lucky; I have had my loving husband to pick me up and carry me to the safety of our burrow. I have no idea how I would have coped so far without my husband, he has been my panda and I am so lucky to have found someone who understands, supports and loves me throughout this nightmare that hopefully I will soon wake from.

It’s hard to speak out when you worry that others will judge or start to give you pity rather than understanding. It’s also a lot harder to seek help when you’re looking after your son full-time and you don’t want to burden anyone with babysitter duties. We haven’t had an entire night off since he was born (not a major complaint, but it would be nice to have a night for my husband and I is all). For reasons I will not go into as its personal family stuff. No-one has the time to help us out with babysitting. Which is no-one’s fault; it’s just the way the situation is at the moment. We desperately need some time together and away from our son for a few hours and it’s just finding the time and people to do so. Hopefully in the near future we will be granted this wish, fingers crossed.

The breaking point came last week; I had to get myself sorted. I no longer wanted to live in fear and I needed to talk openly to a professional about my worries. I have become nervous around hospitals; I can’t even watch a hospital scene anymore without freaking out. I went to my appointment and finally opened up to a GP who actually took me seriously and told me that I wasn’t being paranoid, that it is normal to experience all these emotions after what I have been through. It felt good to finally be able to hear that they were going to do some tests on me and do an ultrasound to see if everything is ok. I am hoping it’s just me being traumatized and a worrier but at least something is finally being done about it.

I could add a lot more but I won’t bore you, dear reader and it is late. I should retire to my burrow with my panda and sink into a blissful sleep. Well, that is if Cabbit doesn’t decide he wants to wake up and needs attention.

Cool Funky Aeroplane Spoon!

Published July 14, 2014 by masonlovesdoughnuts

Recently as parents we have discovered the tasteful world of weaning our six month old. It has been an exciting journey and I am sure there are plenty more bowls of rice pudding to clean up off of the floor.

So, weaning. As the books, websites, G.P.’s and of course our parents say, you can start weaning from as early on as four months if you child is showing the signs they are ready. Of course make a quick visit to you GP to double-check if your child is ready before starting the glorious food journey. We personally waited until Cabbit was around five months. He started showing signs very early on such as watching us eat intently, dribbling loads etc. But we thought it was best to hold off for a while until we felt he was good and ready. One of the main things I have learned as a parent is to trust your own instincts and to not be pressured by others. Do it in your own time, and more importantly in your child’s own time, remember always that you are your child’s parent, no one else is and shouldn’t make your decision for you.

We started with the basics, a few spoonfuls of baby rice pudding. It was such an extraordinary sight watching Cabbit’s tastebuds experience some flavour other than his normal milk. He being our son loved it, and has enjoyed petty much anything we have put in front of him, he has gobbled it all up. He has an extremely healthy appetite and has already developed a few favourite flavors such as apple and pear. (We had a hunch on apple as I craved it loads during my pregnancy).

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We do our best to make Cabbit’s mealtimes fun with things like the cool funky aeroplane spoons we use from the tommee tippee range and brightly coloured bowls. We also let him dive into his food with his hands so he can feel the texture of what he is eating. I think pulling funny faces and making nommy noises helps as well. We are pretty sure he enjoys it as he giggles and smiles at us. Come to think of it, he is probably  laughing at us making utter tits of ourselves.

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So far I am enjoying the whole weaning experience. There hasn’t been too many bowls thrown on the floor (although that will quickly change no doubt) and Cabbit’s stomach seems to be handling solids well. Suffice to say, I am one proud happy mummy bunny.

I am off to relax with the husband, it has been a long day of appointments, shopping, dinosaurs and good food!

 

 

Oh! One more thing! This song has been stuck in my head ALL WEEK!

Hello Hangover, when did you arrive?

Published June 29, 2014 by masonlovesdoughnuts

URGH I feel rough. Really rough. I haven’t felt this rough since before Cabbit was born. I woke up this morning feeling like someone had hammered a set of nails into my head but had got distracted on the job and began randomly drilling. I say again, URGH!

Becoming a mother for the first time, I have not had the luxury to throw a few back and forget my responsibilities. I have of course had alcohol since my son was born but in reasonable quantities such as a cider with a romantic meal or outside in the sunshine. I remember my first drink after Cabbit was born; it was a few months after as with the C-Section and all I was on heavy medicine. But once I felt I could survive without it, we dusted off the purple flute glasses and toasted to our little family. The moment the sweet taste of Bulmers No17 hit my tongue I was in cider heaven. I remembered how much I loved a drink and how relaxed it makes you feel about everything. It takes your worries away and you can just enjoy the moment of being happy about life.

Like most people when they are young and are experiencing the joys of drinking legally for the first time, I loved a drink. When I was 18, my friends and I would go out every week drinking, clubbing and lastly eating greasy kebabs for breakfast. This carried on right up until my last few days as a university student. When I was working throughout this time I would often turn up after a night out with a Red Bull in hand trying to regain any semblance of humanity. I have no idea how I managed to do that back then; just the thought of it makes me feel a little queasy. But then again I was young and living carefree.

I’m glad that I got that time to get all the drinking and clubbing out of my system because now it’s a completely different story. My life is in a different place and I wouldn’t change it for the world. You grow out of that phase. I would rather be snuggled up at home with my husband and son than in a club shouting at the top of my lungs in a conversation because the music is deafeningly loud. These days I much prefer going to gigs with the hubby and us enjoying in a drink or two.

So you may ask. What happened last night? Well we had a lot of drink in for unexplained reasons and before we knew it the bin was attacking my hand. Yes…beware of the bins! They secretly plan on taking over the world, eating one hand at a time!

WE DID IT! TAKE THAT 5K! RACE FOR LIFE!!!

Published June 22, 2014 by masonlovesdoughnuts

Yesterday was apparently the longest day in this year, it was also the day I completed the 5k Race For Life! Pink hair and all I was determined to do something to help kick cancer’s butt!

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The day started off with being woken up as usual by my darling son who was demanding his breakfast along with hugs and kisses. After, baths were taken and bags were packed, you never know what you might need when on the go with a little one. We have learned from past mistakes of what to take ‘just in case’ such as a pair of extra clothes, more nappies than we think he will need and TONS of baby wipes! We are getting better and well and truly deserve a gold sparkly star. Once we were all ready to go, Cabbit’s great aunt picked us up who has been doing the Race For Life for years! Outstanding woman!

We arrived at Kempton Park Race Course for the event with plenty of time to adjust running numbers and back banners. I dedicated my race to my Grandad Stan who sadly lost his battle with cancer a few years ago. I know he is in a better place and is enjoying a nice cold pint in heaven while smiling down on his loved ones. It felt quite emotional to see hundreds of people with similar messages on their backs to loved ones battling, surviving, or who sadly lost to cancer. It’s a cruel world and such a horrible way to go which is what makes us more determined to help find a way to stop cancer in its tracks.

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When we made sure we had smothered ourselves enough in suntan lotion and had freshly topped up bottles of water to hand, we made our way to the main event. It was easy to find, we just followed the sea of pink! Personally I am not really a fan of pink, which is why I decided to dye my hair pink to show my support and dress in black. I did think about dressing in pink but had second thoughts as pink on pink doesn’t really go and I wanted my hair to stand out. Anyway, once we found our way to the main event we dropped off our donation bags filled with unwanted clothes and watched the warm up. And I mean watched. You had (from what I could see as I was wearing sunglasses and am short-sighted) a very lean woman leading the work out, full of energy and shouting encouraging things to the crowd to join in. Now, I know I should have joined in but we were walking the 5K, you don’t have to run it. There are three sections, runners, joggers and walkers. If I was not five months post C-Section and in a better shape (I’m working on slowly exercising more believe it or not) I would be jumping at the chance. But Team Mackay had decided to walk and was proud to.

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Once the warm up was over, I kissed my husband and son goodbye and set off with Team Mackay to the walkers section. The horn went and we were off, slowly, as you can imagine; hundreds of people all together at first there’s not much movement, but once people got going we started with a brisk pace. We didn’t have a care in the world as people overtook us, it didn’t matter as we were doing it in our own time. The route itself was beautiful! Lots of grass, trees and a lake. They even had a little function band along the way singing Fly Me To The Moon. The only downside of the whole thing was the HEAT! It was boiling! I am so glad I had a big bottle of water otherwise I would have melted into the ground. Even though I had plenty of suntan lotion on, I could feel the sun’s rays trying to burn my face (It failed HAHA) I have no idea how the runners were able to run in that heat. You even had super fit mothers running along with their buggies. You would not find me doing that, no way! We, Team Mackay were more laid back and even rewarded ourselves after each Kilometre with a jelly baby.

As the finishing line was 500 meters in sight we got blasted with bubbles that smelled like candyfloss. It was strange to experience but much enjoyed as it’s all part of the fun. We crossed the finishing line and saw it had taken us about 1hour and 10mins to complete. We were rewarded with medals and a little snack, which is always welcome in my book. I was more than happy to have finished the 5K, I couldn’t believe I had done it and in the demon sun’s presence! I hugged and kissed my son and husband as we made our way to a slush puppy stand for some serious ice drink needage.

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I would love to say a big THANK YOU to my team mates, Jo-Jo and Elaine for completing the 5K with me, you both did an amazing job! I also want to thank my husband, son and Tim for coming out to support us. And lastly to everyone who donated to the cause! It is really appreciated and will truly help win this battle against cancer!

THANK YOU!

RACE FOR LIFE 2014! (I Has Pink Hair! )

Published June 15, 2014 by masonlovesdoughnuts

Yep, I finally got around to doing something crazy with my hair. I bleached it and dyed it PINK! A very bright pink might I add. I am all the more prepared for the odd look from strangers in the street wondering what was going through my mad little brain. Would you like to know why I took a bottle of bleach to my hair? I shall tell you dear reader, sit down and make yourself comfortable for this brief tale of bravery (well, I think it’s pretty brave, it is my hair after all and I do have to live with it!)

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I have signed up for Race For Life this year (2014) for the first time as I wanted to do something to help raise money for research to help beat all 200 types of cancer. It involves a series of 5k or 10k women-only fundraising events: All in all an extremely good cause. I am doing the 5k event next Saturday (21/06/2014) at Kingston and Kempton Park. Joining me in this great cause are two of my husband’s Aunts, one of which has done this event for the past 12 years!

So, I put my Doc Martins aside and slipped on my green converses (brought in Canada, happy memories!) and started training to help get me fit for the event. Of course I have had to be working out at a steady pace and not over doing it, post C-Section and everything can STILL cause problems. Pain in the butt but don’t want to end up back in hospital. God no! That is the last place I want to be, I feel like I have been in hospitals enough times to last me a life time!

Anyway, apart from taking part I took it upon myself to do something more than just do the 5k. I decided to dye my hair PINK to help raise a bit more cash. I wouldn’t say that I love pink, I am more of a purple person myself but I just wanted to put it out there, PINK! The whole theme for the charity is pink so what better way to show my support than through my hair.

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So there you have it, my little story of how I happened upon my pink hairdo. Please, please if you can help us raise as much as we can for Race For Life, the link is below which will take you to our fundraising page. If not, then why not have a good old clean out of clothes etc. and take any unwanted items to your nearest charity shops? I don’t know about you but I get a great feeling of happiness by giving to charities. I feel like I am riding a magical unicorn over a freshly painted rainbow. Did you know unicorns are cool? No, really they are so cool! I like to imagine they can shoot laser beams out of their horn. I use to love that film, The Last Unicorn as a kid…ok, I will stop!

Our Fundraising Page!: https://www.justgiving.com/ClanMackay

Race For Life Website: http://raceforlife.cancerresearchuk.org/index.html

Just for fun ;)

Little Beach Street Bakery By Jenny Colgan (Book Review)

Published June 9, 2014 by masonlovesdoughnuts

This week I finished the wonderful little book that is Little Street Bakery by Jenny Colgan. I picked up this bargain buy (About £4) in Asda, of all places. It has come to my attention lately that supermarkets are selling books a lot cheaper than your average bookstore. This makes it extremely hard for me to not come away with a whole new bookshelf dedicated to these new purchases each time I go food shopping. I am all for supporting local book shops; it’s just extremely taxing on my pennies. Must find a way to do both!

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Anyhow, I am extremely glad I picked up this book along with some doughnuts to munch on while enjoying myself in the written world of Colgan. I had never heard of Colgan before so I didn’t have any expectations.

The story follows Polly whose business with her partner and also boyfriend Chris has fallen through which allows her to rethink her chosen path in life. She ends up in Cornwall, in a quaint little seaside resort. Her passion for baking is quickly noted in the town and it’s not long before she is the hot topic of conversation. With love, betrayal and the harsh reality of life thrown into the baking mix, this is a story that will make you want to keep reading to the very end.

From the moment I opened the first page I could smell the bloomers baking in the oven, accompanied by other bakery treats. This story took me by surprise; it did not pan out how I thought it would. Underneath the struggle of Polly trying to regain control of her life, we find a sugary coated love story with a side-dish of friendship and loss. I really loved how Colgan took everything away from Polly forcing her to work hard to get back what she had lost. It was refreshing to see that not everything is handed to you on a plate in real life. So many books do this where everything is perfect for their characters, which makes for boring reading and self-pity.

I highly recommend this book to anyone who is need of a bit of fresh air by the sea. It made me a little homesick and craving fish and chips. But, all in all an extremely pleasant read. I intend to read more of Colgan’s work!

I miss the land of wonderful, blissful sleep

Published June 2, 2014 by masonlovesdoughnuts

For the past few weeks my husband and I have been in a state of zombieness (Is that even a word? Oh well it is now) our dear darling son has decided that he no longer likes the world of sleep. How fun for us! It has been a long, long few weeks.

I fear I am starting to resemble a panda with these bags and can no longer remember what day it is without checking the calendar. It’s been hell! Cabbit is growing fast; so much so that he has outgrown his pram: Which is where the lack of sleep comes in, Cabbit refuses to sleep in his pram because if he wants to stretch out or turn over and he is limited with space in the pram. I don’t blame him. So, we have had to ask around for favours and thank the gods were sent a miracle in the form of his Great Aunt Jo-Jo who loaned us the money to buy him a cot bed (One of those magic cots that turn into a bed when your child is old enough). The things they do today to save you buying more than one thing.

At last it has arrived! To say I am over the moon is an understatement, I am ecstatic! My amazing husband set it up and made it comfy for Cabbit. By this I mean we put a few of his favourite fluffy toys in to keep him company and a musical mobile that his other Great Aunt Elaine got him in a charity shop, a bargain at £3!

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We have yet to see if it will work, but we have our fingers crossed that he will take to it slowly and we may return back to blissful sleep where I dream of a land made out of doughnuts, gummy bears and chocolate! The rivers flow with every type of tea…I’m going to stop right there before I make myself even more hungry.

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